Terrorist father drops grenade on children while they sleep
Self-help got the better of professional blogger Steve Pavlina on March 2006 when he carefully crafted a timed grenade in his kitchen counter and set the timer to four seconds before hiding outside his children’s bedroom in an act of desperation he calls “bear-bombing”. Steve Pavlina, a self-help guru, complains he couldn’t “bear” having his children sleep past dawn.
“Then in one fluid movement, I hit the timer’s start button, open the door, and lob the bear grenade onto the bed before closing the door and diving for cover. As the bear grenade explodes with thunderous noise, I enjoy sadistic amusement at the bear’s adrenaline-fueled confusion at being forcibly roused”
Not only does Pavlina “enjoy sadistic amusement”, but the children (bears) do not instantly die. Instead they are struck with “adrenaline fueled confusion”.
Did the children survive? And perhaps more importantly, should the author be classified as a blogger or a journalist.
A one-on-one interview with our anonymous Sadism, Infanticide and Self-Help chief correspondent quotes Pavlina: “What’s the difference between Sharia Law and Capitalism? None, really. In Iraq you may divorce your wife by texting her ‘I divorce you’ 3 times. In the United States you can lose your job by the following two words: ‘You’re fired’. [sic, it’s actually 3, Steve].”
When asked to elaborate Steve said: “Does putting yourself in a position where someone else can turn off all your income just by saying two words (’You’re fired’) sound like a safe and secure situation to you?” Of course not, Steve. We’d much rather live homeless in Iraq because “Not only can we win the war in Iraq, we are winning the war in Iraq“.
Thought, Steve Pavlina’s actions are slightly questionable, I’d much rather send my children to the war (to be turned into bloody hamburger by an exploding grenade) than go myself. Especially since I’m for the war.