Satire: Reasons to join the military.
As a follow up on military service people being “heroes” and all…
These are some reasons to join the military:
for honor
for country
for money
free tuition
travel abroad
“blow shit up”
because you hate brown people
because you hate Muslims
because you think you are going to do something good for our country
because you are politically illiterate
because you want to kill people
for the adventure (good one)
for the hookers near military bases, esp. coastal cities
because you are not disciplined enough to do things on your own and you want somebody else to tell you what to do
because you can’t get a job in the real world
because your buddies “did it”
because you parents did it
because your brothers did it
because it was expected of you
“Taking a stand against terrorism” Yeah right…
for the experience (this is a good one)
to learn new things (good one too)
to protect your country (another good one, if you are not starting wars with random countries and your commander in chief is not an idiot)
for potential prestige (not bad)
work experience (decent, too)
to say you did it
so you won’t be called a chicken-hawk
because it makes you look brave
because people will blindly see you as a hero, even if you don’t deserve the title
because you want to know what a bullet feels like
because you want to play with guns or tanks
because it’s easier to follow orders than to think for yourself
health care benefits
dental benefits
military discounts
free flights between bases
pay back your expensive college loans
get to tell people what to do (at some point)
advanced and technical training (nice choice)
because you think God wants you to (lol)
pension
get to yell at foreign strangers
you enjoy pain
you enjoy inflicting pain
because your recruiter lied to you (ouch)
to get citizenship
to be freed (if you were previously a slave)
to get away from your parents
you lost a bet
to meet exotic women abroad
you don’t care for your right leg (you are hoping you’ll be shot and compensated for it)
you think you owe tribute to fallen soldiers
to take revenge
because you want to kill japs
because you want to kill towelheads
because you want to kill Nazis
to find Osama Bin Laden and kick his ass (probably the greatest reason of all)
to kill real terrorists (not Iraqi civilians)
to kill Iraqi civilians
because you think you can force people to be free, even when their idea of freedom is radically different from yours.
to destroy Al Qaeda (another great reason)
for a good career (maybe)
to take out Saddam Hussein (no longer applicable)
to prepare for a career with the CIA
no more job hunting or resumes
pride
false pride
because you liked the boy scouts or girl scouts
you enjoy fighting
you enjoy martial arts
your parents or the politician near you won’t let you carry guns
you want to learn new languages
you are preparing to work for blackwater
to protect Israel (even though they don’t need or deserve our protection anymore than their neighbors)
because you think it’s your duty (…why?)
you are preparing for a criminal career
because you adore Hitler
because you want to be a skilled, high-profile terrorist
because you think you won’t be in the front lines
because you were drafted
because you were shafted
because your parents made you
because your family is way poor
because you got your high school sweetheart pregnant (need money)
because your girlfriend/boyfriend thinks men/women in uniforms are hot
because you think men/women in uniforms are hot
because you are gay (in the homosexual sense)
to freak your parents out
because your parents asked you not to
because you hate yourself
for the adrenaline rush
you like to go camping/hiking/hunting
to put your parents through hell
because you are not worried about brain damage
because you think you are invincible / indestructible
because you are not worried about amputation / blindness (extremities are redundant anyway)
because you look forward to begging for money on the streets as a war veteran
because you were told you would never see combat
because “more people get killed in NY than in Iraq” every day
because you can “choose any job you want” (hahahaha)
because you are not worried about blatant discrimination
because you detest freedom (your own)
because you didn’t realize there are many other ways to get all of the above
to take part in history (not too bad)
to become an officer (power)
to learn 100 ways to kill someone
to learn to defend yourself
to learn to defend yourself if you ever lead a revolution
because you thought you could quit anytime
because you thought it would be easy
because you want to learn to use nuclear weapons
to fly a jet
to learn to command a helicopter
because it might be funner than Halo
because you want to join a special operations team (even though you probably won’t make it due to competition)
to learn to be a sniper (could be neat)
because you enjoy war movies
because you are not smart enough to do something else
because you’ve always wondered what food in the military tastes like
to march around in funny suits
to join a band and wear funny suits
to clean toilets with only toothbrushes and spit
because it’s cool to get promoted
to challenge yourself (another good one)
to get strong
to get lean
to get in shape
to be prepared in the event of a terrorist attack
because you were abused as a child and want revenge (the training)
to get a free nosejob
free liposuction
free breast enlargement
breast augmentation
facelift
cosmetic surgery (courtesy of Donald Rumsfeld)
your girlfriend/boyfriend wants you to get plastic surgery
because you think you are patriotic
because you don’t realize that the military is making things worse for the United States and the world.
because you think you’ll be defending your country
EDIT: because you worship Bush (one of the worst reasons, probably)
EDIT 2: No, because you worship Giuliani, lol
P.S. Joining the military doesn’t make you a hero; all it takes is a signature.
EDIT 3: I’m not insulting the troops. If you don’t understand satire, don’t bother posting a comment.
Myth Number 1:
“My friends and sons and daughters are dying for your satire and your freedoms.”
No. They are probably in Iraq fighting people who have nothing to do with 9/11.
Myth Number 2:
“By making personal attacks on the author of this article and telling the author how he/she couldn’t write this if it wasn’t for the soldiers he/she is criticizing, I’ll show him/her.”
Wrong. Since I never in this article insult the military, it goes to show just how retarded you are. You continue to validate the list by showing me that people are too stupid to understand politics and satire. When soldiers go to Iraq, they are in NO WAY defending my right to write any of this. Iraqis have NOT threatened my freedom, so there is no need to kill them.
Comment by Robert | August 10th, 2007
this coming from a non-veteran. You are a turd.
Comment by Chad O' Speer | August 10th, 2007
I find it funny that this amuses you; It obviously took much thought and research. You are just another ‘college kid’ that knows only what his radicalized professors tell him. You also probably once tried to join the military, but failed miserably…..or you just didn’t have the balls to do so. It is okay though, recent research indicates a small percentage of males were in fact born with female genitalia.
Comment by Sue | August 10th, 2007
Do you think your little list is funny or clever? It’s not. It shows that you’re a spoilt little brat that has never had to make a sacrifice in your life.
My father served in the Navy for 24 years and fought in three wars (WWII, Korean and Vietnam). My husband also served in the Navy for 14 years before he was killed in the line of duty. THEY are heroes – you are an asshole.
Comment by Bill | August 10th, 2007
Women and children sleep soundly in their beds because strong men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. Sleep tight there skippy….we got your back.
Comment by tony | August 10th, 2007
Its amazing you can write this while your head is obviously up your ass.
Wake up little boy, you have the freedom to write this BECAUSE of the brave members of our military!
You are a pathetic shadow of a human being compared to them, their sacrifice for your freedom as well as mine is something to be greatful for.
You need to be bitch slapped to wake you up!
Comment by Fionlannach | August 10th, 2007
Well, this is a perfect example of class one PUSSY and a ASSHOLE. Seriously dude, just keep smokin weed and disrespect your own country, and the true heroes of the free world, the men, who are ready to give the ultimate sacrifice, their own lives, so you can keep ´writing this kind of BULLSHIT. You are a bad joke amongst humans. You need to grow up and wake the fuck up.
Comment by DDSSDV | August 10th, 2007
You forgot on your list beer drinking quals and taking your girlfriend.
Comment by T | August 10th, 2007
You have got to be the most ignorant person I have ever heard of. You honestly beleave the crap you wrote? You are pathetic just another freaking clown shoe who’s mommy and daddy obviously didn’t go upside your head enough. Its sad that you have no idea the sacrafices that are made on your behalf so that you can be the dumbass you are. Sleep tight jackass.
Comment by VoiceOfReason | August 10th, 2007
I’m surprised nobody has written anything intelligent. I’m not insulting the troops.
This is satire and the intention is to show that becoming a soldier doesn’t make you a hero. Sorry, that’s the truth.
If this makes you uncomfortable, you are experiencing cognitive dissonance:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance
I’ve shown this to several military personnel, who not only found it funny but agreed with the point AND agreed that people join for some of the more ridiculous reasons.
As a final thought for those of you who don’t know what satire is: Do you believe everything Stephen Colbert says?
Comment by Sue | August 10th, 2007
Almost all of the people who responded to you are highly educated current or former military. Your piece isn’t satire, it’s insulting.
Sir, I served with Stephen Colbert: I knew Stephen Colbert; Stephen Colbert was a friend of mine. Sir, you’re no Stephen Colbert.
Now that’s funny.
Comment by DDSSDV | August 10th, 2007
Why not satrize your blog? My friends and sons and daughters are dying for your satire. Hero is a word. You my friend are a tool.
Comment by DDSSDV | August 10th, 2007
FREEDOM of speech….doesn’t mean freedom to insult.
Comment by tony | August 10th, 2007
What don’t you understand about the personnal scrifices made by thousands of Military personal, that died and were maimed and continue to do so in order for a douchebag like yourself to beable to insult us the way you do?
Its both sad and ironic that you are ignorant to this truth.
Comment by Robert Hughs | August 10th, 2007
Well, it has all been said. This is far from being an “academic journal.”
Comment by Nik | August 10th, 2007
“”I’ve shown this to several military personnel, who not only found it funny but agreed with the point AND agreed that people join for some of the more ridiculous reasons.”"
Your right to express yourself like that and your freedom does not come for free you know. Remember that. Concider yourself very lucky that people are joining up and paying with their life so you can stay back in your comfortable and safe home, making fun of it.
As for your quote above, you can ventilate your own vinds but have not earnt the right to speak for them.
Comment by Teeps | August 10th, 2007
Ha
Unlinke the other comments on the site I actually understand wher you are coming from (although maybe try and be a little less insulting at the end with the ‘retard’ comments).
The really funny thing is that every single one of the above went through that list of things maticulously before commenting. Why the hell did they not just leave?
PEOPLE…GET OVER IT. ITS FUNNY! These are actually real reasons many of them and thats what makes it funny, ridiculous even. Instead of getting at the blog writer why not spend some time actually educating yourselves as to what your military is for? Last time i looked going into a different country without any real reason was called an invasion.
Comment by Jayel Aheram | August 11th, 2007
My reason for joining: it was the easiest way to visit Iraq.
It was worth it, too. I took plenty of photos of Iraq while I was there –> http://www.flickr.com/photos/aheram/sets/72157594413176818/
Comment by VoiceOfReason | August 11th, 2007
Great pictures; Good reason for joining.
Comment by ashley | August 12th, 2007
what is really funny here is how much of an ignorant piece of shit you are
Comment by NoHero | August 12th, 2007
I find most of these comments above me quite ignorant. Have you people honestly NEVER heard of anyone joining the army just to “blow shit up” or “kill ragheads” or even to pay for college? Sure, there are many selfless heroes serving this country, but there are also those that don’t care about their country and join out of self-interest. The point of this article, besides to satirize the military (which deserves its criticisms), is to show that not everyone who serves this country is automatically a hero. It is truth.
That aside, I find it completely misinformed to believe those who are currently in Iraq are “protecting his right to say this stuff.” The war in Iraq is NOT protecting our freedoms. The “war on terrorism” has done more to stump our own freedoms than to protect them. Iraq didn’t even have connections to “terrorism” in the first place. Sure, there have been legitimate reasons to “fight for freedoms” in our country’s history, but the last war to do so was arguably WWII. We are causing harm to our security and our civil liberties by continuing these World Police actions which we have been participating in the last 50 odd years.
You want to know who the real heroes are? Those that speak out against their own government! If you cannot look around you and see a country that is going to hell, you lack rational thought. The founding fathers fought against an oppressive government that overtaxed them, invaded their privacy, and stepped on their liberties. Sound familiar? Sure, we have it pretty good in this country– we aren’t getting mass-murdered. The colonists weren’t suffering from being killed off either, but they were free men and were tired of a growing, tyrannical government like we are getting close to today! The founders weren’t overlooking their own problems to go off saving other oppressed nations; they were fighting for their own liberties! The Iraqis were never our concern. The war is pointless. Civil disobedience against OUR government isn’t pointless. That’s where our concern is. Anyone joining the military today, to fight in Iraq, are not joining to fight for the interests of our own country, and if they think they are, they are ill informed.
Funny article. The rest of you should learn to understand satire.
Comment by Mark | August 12th, 2007
I am in the military currently and i will openly admit that this list is funny as shit. The reason is simple: I know people with pretty much each of those reasons (with the exceptions of the really stupid ones like “go blow shit up” and such). I mean hey, if the message this is supposed to send is that humans join the military for selfish reasons, then hell yeah. It’s correct. Leaving peoples view of the war we are currently having aside, whether it is justified or not, people are not all in the military for good reasons or to do good things.
The military is drawn from society and as such you are going to find much the same combinations you find elsewhere in my society. In my workplace for example you will find some people who are very outspoken against this war and how it is being run. You will also find ones that will defend it’s righteousness all day. I appreciate the fairly decent attempt at making people laugh a little and apologize for the lack of good responses.
And as i’m expecting replies back about this from the military/ ex-military/ and families on this. I’ve been working with the Arabic language and arabs for over 6 years now and have been to Iraq. Yes, i know what I know what our soldiers, sailors, marines, and airmen go through. However I also know that this piece is a rather thorny piece of satire. Please treat it as such.
Comment by Jake Donnel | August 16th, 2007
You are an idiot then. All you pro-democratic fags can go back to your useless banter of trying to impress each other with new words recently discovered in the dictionary. For those of you commenting on the article who have never served, here is a big ‘fuck you’ for being a typical pos American.
Comment by Aaron | August 16th, 2007
You have this right because men and women who fight for your freedom to say this. And I joined the US ARMY to fight for this countries freedom and yours, even if it means you can insult me and my fellow soliders
Comment by Robin L. Orenbuch | September 3rd, 2007
Those who initiate force are evil. Those who refuse to retaliate are worse still, for they betray every value that makes civilization possible, and they commit treason against everyone who ever cared about them. It is a shame that people like yourself still benefit from those who knew freedom is not free.
Comment by VoiceOfReason | September 3rd, 2007
It’s a shame that people still post overused thought-stopping clichés, to try to justify their irrational behavior – especially after they have been warned that this article is satire.
The point of the article is that signing up for the military doesn’t make you a hero automatically.
And as to your point about me benefiting from people who “knew freedom is not free” (an overused cliché,) you ought to know that I’m not benefiting from the senseless deaths of our soldiers; And I’m not benefiting from the senseless deaths of Iraqis, either.
As for your point about retaliation; maybe we ought to retaliate; so why don’t we?
Comment by MoTownster | September 7th, 2007
Hey, I can see why you think it is funny. But I don’t. Its hard to take what you wrote down because, the military is my life. I live it everyday. I put on my uniform and secure this base, then I go and deploy for 8+ months, come back home to see my wife and daughter, and maybe get to go back where I grew up for a couple of weeks, then 5 months after I got back from the Desert I am back there again. We do not have the choice, The Congress, the President, The people have the choice. We do what the country has asked of us. What more do you want? I serve with guys who have been in since the 70’s, 80’s till now. We are ordinary people, with ordinary families and friends.
I am with you on the belief that we should bring the “shooters” home(Army/Marines). We cannot pull every troop out. But we could probably pull atleast 80,000. We would close alot of the bases we have and hand them over, and keep a small sum for logistical reasons. It would eventually be like the bases we have in Germany.
By the way, using fancy words doesn’t make you smart. Anybody can use a dictionary and thesaurus. Thanks for you Satire, I guess you meant well???? You social retard. I pity you.
Comment by MoTownster | September 7th, 2007
Sorry about those last couple of sentences. I just wanted to say something negative towards you.
Comment by VoiceOfReason | September 7th, 2007
MoTownster,
Seems like you agree with me. You do not have a choice. The Congress and the President sent you there.
You are not all heroes. You are “ordinary people, with ordinary families and friends.”
You also said we should leave Iraq. I agree.
Comment by Kilroy | September 7th, 2007
This is not satire. Satire is funny; this isn’t funny. Making fun of amputatees is not cool. Satire is clever; this isn’t clever. To quote Shakespeare, “Brevity is the soul of wit.” Any lines in this that might be witty are killed by redundancy and excessive length. Satire uses unexpected and imaginative insight and perspective. You offer no real insight into the topic, only arbitrary, very predictable, and mean-spirited judgements.
Mocking the hopes, dreams, and agonies of decent, well-intentioned people like this doesn’t make you a satirist. It makes you a jerk.
Comment by VoiceOfReason | September 7th, 2007
The first aim of satire isn’t to be funny. That said, several people in the military found it humorous.
Since you are the target of the satire, it’s no surprise you don’t get it.
I’m not mocking the hopes, dreams, and agonies of well-intentioned people. I’m sorry that you don’t get it.
Comment by Zeig Heil! | September 8th, 2007
To all you so-called “patriots”: you have been blinded by the State to unconditionally support militarism. Your sons, daughters (who are being raped by other’s sons…), husbands and wives are being USED and when somebody points out the bs LIES that have been tacked onto the once proud word of “hero” you attack the person because ITS TRUE.
Militarism and blind faith to fascist corporatists is NOT patriotism.
A poster stated: this is not satire, because satire is funny and this isn’t. Hmmm…because this is satire showing the LIES and therefore when these are pointed out, you KNOW deep in side that they are lies.
Your kindred are DYING because of LIES.
Also, serving in the military does NOT automatically promote somebody to a higher level within our society. Does not give them any special privileges. NONE.
Zeig heil then to all the militarist fascists that have attacked the author. Blind patriotism…yes, that’s what it is.
Comment by Kilroy | September 10th, 2007
The angry responses you see here have nothing to do with blind patriotism, loyalty to the president, or militant fascism. This list is a callous and hurtful mockery of the decision to serve in the military. A lot of people hold that decision in high regard, myself included.
What gives some people the impetus to take up uniformed service isn’t what makes them heroes. What makes them heroes is how they respond to danger, hardship, and loss. Most people facing deployment will get their fair share of all three. That action of joining in the face of those troubles matters a lot more than an individual’s reasons for joining.
You talk of soldiers being used, of soldiers dying. Soldiers are supposed to be used. Soldiers are expendable. That’s why it’s called service. It’s putting the interests of the country ahead of the interests of the self. Soldiers aren’t being killed because they were lied to, they’re being killed because they chose to be soldiers.
You are right that soldiers do not have any special privileges. In fact, they voluntarily give up most of their rights as a civilian. Does that make them heroes? Perhaps, and perhaps not; that depends on your definition. Either way, our country would not exist without such people.
All soldiers know that their leaders don’t get everything right, and many comment on how wrong their leaders are with great frequency. Yet they still perform their mission. To do otherwise is to go down a dangerous road that bridges a separation George Washington made between those that derive their power from elections and those that derive their power from might. To bridge that separation is to invite military coups and true fascism.
Comment by matthew | September 30th, 2007
Did I have an impact?
… Earlier this year around January I noticed that Fox news spamming the words “sons and daughters” are fighting for our freedom. It really got to me because I know there are a million reasons to join the military.
(personally I joined the Air Force because I was laid off from Worldcom and bored and I just wanted someone to take advantage of me.)
Anyways, I got so tired of hearing about the “sons and daughters” dying over there that I wrote Fox news a letter telling them that there are others over there too. Some of them I’m sure joined “to get away from their parents”. So I asked Fox news to respect us as “men and women of the Armed Forces”.
In about a week, all use of “Sons and Daughters” by anchor people ceased.
Also I reminded that our obligation as members is to defend our country, and that we do not get to pick which wars we fight(if we try to we are treated as traitors). We are not all hero’s. Watch “Flags of Our Fathers”. Hero’s are something that we make up to get us through difficult times. Apparently picking on a dictator that is not a threat to us is also a way to get through difficult times.
Comment by arkygirl | October 16th, 2007
Obviously, our government sponsored public schools are no longer teaching about “satire” and a lot of these posters are too lazy to Google it. Of course those same schools teach that we live in a “democratic republic” (wrong; Google it) and ignore the Constitution almost entirely. Don’t want those uppity citizens knowing the power they hold, you know.
Many of these crabby responders do not seem to understand the underlying principles of “liberty” either. They sure do know how to raise a ruckus when they get “offended”, though. It amazes me that what was once one of the most tolerant societies on the planet has turned into this assortment of crybabies yelling “Take it back!”. No one seems to have the self control anymore to read something and say to themselves “Gee, I think this is awful, but fully respect the poster’s rights to write it” and move on. Nope, got to raise a big fuss and bawl about it.
Maybe they would be better served spending their time creating a special interest lobbying group “Crybabies of America: Everything Anyone Does or Says Offends Us”. Take it right to D.C.’s K Street and get an education along the way.
My oldest son is serving in the Navy and he enlisted before 9-11. Even he finds this piece humorous. Maybe all of America has just lost its sense of humor with things being as they are? Why are Americans becoming so crabby and so negative?
I like satire but I am sick to death of crybabies!
Comment by Dan | November 19th, 2007
wow…. thats all i have to say, man….
Comment by simpson | December 6th, 2007
current u.s sailor…..I LOVE IT!….(not being a sailor….the article)!
Comment by deuchbag dan | January 18th, 2008
your a DEUCHBAG
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Comment by sunshine | February 5th, 2008
The lack of ability to grasp the meaning of satire is the ultimate manifestation of ignorance. When Johnathon Swift published his great literary work “A Modest Proposal” do you honestly think he expected people to execute his gruesome steps for a better society? Of course not, because the piece was satirical just as this one is. To take something like this seriously exhibits your extreme lack of mental capacity to grasp subtle humor. Posting angry comments in response to something like this proves that all of you think on elementary terms and take everything you read as literal fact… even when the title clearly states that it is not meant to be taken as literal fact. Humor is one of humanities greatest attributes, and satire is one of the most brilliant forms of humor, don’t take it as fact… just laugh at it. Would you watch Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert and take every word they utter as literal fact? Or their real opinion?
Comment by #two | April 13th, 2008
all you people are pissed because you have one power ruling over your head. the govt taking your individuality. by saying be a citizen or join us, being one of there puppets. or be a citizen and live under there rules, not your own. it is great for what they have provided to us don’t get me wrong. but on 9/11 we were targeted as “money grubbing Americans” an individual stereotype itself. Every thing we,I, or you create will kill you.
Comment by pick | May 10th, 2008
I am a E-7/SFC in the United States Army. Though some of the comments are distasteful, some are true. The biggest problem with the news and public is that just because you are a soldier you are a hero. This is false! Only about 10% of the soldiers in Iraq where I have visited twice are actively engaged in combat. The rest are sitting on the FOB’s by the pool going to taco bell, pizza hut, and subway. The are collecting the same hostile fire pay as the hitters and doing little to earn it. Do not get me wrong some support personnel are getting hammered, truck drivers, but the rest site behind the wall in a secure compound while we are running the ied infested roads, doing air assaults. Can you classify a supply officer in your unit who gets a BSM just for being there, while my junior gets a down graded ARCOM for moving under fire, closing and killing the enemy. That is the problem. Lastly, only weak people blame leaders above them, BUSH, make your own impact. Is one man to blame for everything, Hell No! I love going to Iraq it is a blast, no pun intended!
Comment by Nate | July 17th, 2008
I am in the military. I have served abroad a number of times. I really really like what you said.
The truth in what you say is absolutly right. I think this piece of writing is only useful when people react to it. To say that people are dying for your right to write this sort of stuff is ridiculous. Iraqis and Afghans have never threatened your rights to write this sort of stuff.
Is there anyone in the military or closely linked to the military out there that isn’t right wing? Does anyone out there take a step back and wonder why we are there? It seems easy to say freedom and that stuff but how much freedom have they gained over there with us? None I reckon. We have simply replaced a leader who was unpalatable to us with one that is! The ordinary Iraqi or Afghan doesn’t come into the equation once!
Comment by MAC | July 23rd, 2008
Hey,
First off, I’m not going to lie to you…I kinda chuckled on some of the things. It’s true about some of the things you’ve said. Look, here’s the deal; you can say whatever you want, have an opinion, tell what you believe is the truth, whatever you want. I’m in the military and it’s cool with me. I’m serving in Afghanistan right now, I can’t say what I do, but I’ll tell you this. For all the bad stuff that you see on CNN, FOX News, or MSNBC (and yes it does suck, and some of it is hard to deal with), what you don’t see are the good things that we do. Like giving jobs to local nationals, Teaching their local law enforcement how to deal with the Taliban, building schools for the children (no, these are not schools that we blew up and now we feel bad, so we rebuild them) These are schools that twenty years ago the Taliban destroyed. Also, building Mosques so that the workers on base have a place to pray, helping the Afghans start their own radio stations that are run sole by Afghans( the Taliban does not want them to have radio), and in case you are wondering, U.S. and coalition forces do not tell the Afghans what to program…at all…like I said, it is run by the Afghans, for Afghans . In addition, if the Taliban finds out that they work for U.S. and Coalition forces they will cut their heads off and kill their families. What must be going through their minds every day? To tell you the truth I have no clue, but it has to be a hard thing to deal with. Afghans love their country, and most hate the Taliban. Most of the fighters here are foreign. They come over from Pakistan, Turkmenistan, Chechnya, and various other places. Make no mistake about it. They are Terrorist. What is terror? ter•ror ?t?r ?r – Show Spelled Pronunciation[ter-er] Pronunciation Key – Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. intense, sharp, overmastering fear: to be frantic with terror.
2. an instance or cause of intense fear or anxiety; quality of causing terror: to be a terror to evildoers.
3. any period of frightful violence or bloodshed likened to the Reign of Terror in France.
4. violence or threats of violence used for intimidation or coercion; terrorism.
5. Informal. a person or thing that is especially annoying or unpleasant.
________________________________________
[Origin: 1325–75;
Comment by MAC | July 23rd, 2008
Hey,
First off, I’m not going to lie to you…I kinda chuckled on some of the things. It’s true about some of the things you’ve said. Look, here’s the deal; you can say whatever you want, have an opinion, tell what you believe is the truth, whatever you want. I’m in the military and it’s cool with me. I’m serving in Afghanistan right now, I can’t say what I do, but I’ll tell you this. For all the bad stuff that you see on CNN, FOX News, or MSNBC (and yes it does suck, and some of it is hard to deal with), what you don’t see are the good things that we do. Like giving jobs to local nationals, Teaching their local law enforcement how to deal with the Taliban, building schools for the children (no, these are not schools that we blew up and now we feel bad, so we rebuild them) These are schools that twenty years ago the Taliban destroyed. Also, building Mosques so that the workers on base have a place to pray, helping the Afghans start their own radio stations that are run sole by Afghans( the Taliban does not want them to have radio), and in case you are wondering, U.S. and coalition forces do not tell the Afghans what to program…at all…like I said, it is run by the Afghans, for Afghans . In addition, if the Taliban finds out that they work for U.S. and Coalition forces they will cut their heads off and kill their families. What must be going through their minds every day? To tell you the truth I have no clue, but it has to be a hard thing to deal with. Afghans love their country, and most hate the Taliban. Most of the fighters here are foreign. They come over from Pakistan, Turkmenistan, Chechnya, and various other places. Make no mistake about it. They are Terrorist. What is terror? ter•ror ?t?r ?r – Show Spelled Pronunciation[ter-er] Pronunciation Key – Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. intense, sharp, overmastering fear: to be frantic with terror.
2. an instance or cause of intense fear or anxiety; quality of causing terror: to be a terror to evildoers.
3. any period of frightful violence or bloodshed likened to the Reign of Terror in France.
4. violence or threats of violence used for intimidation or coercion; terrorism.
5. Informal. a person or thing that is especially annoying or unpleasant.
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[Origin: 1325–75;
Comment by MAC | July 23rd, 2008
Hey,
First off, I’m not going to lie to you…I kinda chuckled on some of the things. It’s true about some of the things you’ve said. Look, here’s the deal; you can say whatever you want, have an opinion, tell what you believe is the truth, whatever you want. I’m in the military and it’s cool with me. I’m serving in Afghanistan right now, I can’t say what I do, but I’ll tell you this. For all the bad stuff that you see on CNN, FOX News, or MSNBC (and yes it does suck, and some of it is hard to deal with), what you don’t see are the good things that we do. Like giving jobs to local nationals, Teaching their local law enforcement how to deal with the Taliban, building schools for the children (no, these are not schools that we blew up and now we feel bad, so we rebuild them) These are schools that twenty years ago the Taliban destroyed. Also, building Mosques so that the workers on base have a place to pray, helping the Afghans start their own radio stations that are run sole by Afghans( the Taliban does not want them to have radio), and in case you are wondering, U.S. and coalition forces do not tell the Afghans what to program…at all…like I said, it is run by the Afghans, for Afghans . In addition, if the Taliban finds out that they work for U.S. and Coalition forces they will cut their heads off and kill their families. What must be going through their minds every day? To tell you the truth I have no clue, but it has to be a hard thing to deal with. Afghans love their country, and most hate the Taliban. Most of the fighters here are foreign. They come over from Pakistan, Turkmenistan, Chechnya, and various other places. Make no mistake about it. They are Terrorist. What is terror? ter•ror ?t?r ?r – Show Spelled Pronunciation[ter-er] Pronunciation Key – Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. intense, sharp, overmastering fear: to be frantic with terror.
2. an instance or cause of intense fear or anxiety; quality of causing terror: to be a terror to evildoers.
3. any period of frightful violence or bloodshed likened to the Reign of Terror in France.
4. violence or threats of violence used for intimidation or coercion; terrorism.
5. Informal. a person or thing that is especially annoying or unpleasant.
________________________________________
Comment by john | August 27th, 2008
Actully He has a point the only people who fought for our freedom were the men who faught in the revolutionary war and maybe a little bit of ww2 because the nazis are crazy everything else has been set up by the government to better the country we attack for of coure our good but also their good too so the wars are some what justified and i dont mind the wars just as long as i dont get a ship full of shit for why we started it and if you think otherwise you obviosly only see black and white TRUTH HURTS PEOPLE KNOW WHEN YOUVE BEEN SUCKERED I like the military all my friends are in and im planning on joining too next time you talk about who fought for our freedom thank the guys that wrote the constitution and the hippies cuz without them there would still be a draft
Comment by Jerry | August 29th, 2008
I have not joined the military for my own reasons but every other man in my family has. I have friends that have died in the war on terror. I think that this list is the most pathetic thing I have ever read. If you want to join then do it for yourself not anyone else do it so that you can earn your own freedom I think that if I could join then I would And just for the people that join to be called heroes. Heroes are the ones who dont make it home.
Comment by N. White | August 31st, 2008
Well, I am a cadet at a U.S. Military Institute, and I cannot believe that you would think these things about joining the military. Also, as a member of the Coast Guard, the military is defending the borders and making sure that you are safe at night. Just think about the sacrifice all these people are making for you, and truly appreciate what you have. Military members have sacrificed a hell of a lot to serve, and you don’t have to agree with the war, but at least respect that sacrifice they have made.
Comment by J.DeWees | October 28th, 2008
“When soldiers go to Iraq, they are in NO WAY defending my right to write any of this. Iraqis have NOT threatened my freedom, so there is no need to kill them.”
Well, you self-centered, courage-abasing, depreciating fool, Soldiers may not be defending your rights by the act of being in Iraq, albeit, They are building and protecting the rights of Iraqis. It is their mere PRESENCE defending your rights. And without any soldiers brave enough to give their “signature”, I’d very much like to see you alone on your pedestal, pontificating to no one, next time our country is attacked.No Soldier signs up to be a hero. It just turns out that way sometimes. And if their job provides them with pride, you must certainly be envious. You must call attention to yourself and feed off of your self-proclaimed brilliant epiphany “Hey…They aren’t defending my freedom by being in Iraq…” Again I will say, Their presence insures your freedoms. Their shadows are tall enough to stretch from Iraq to America. You spout off disrespect, dismissing your drek as satire. It is not satire. You are so disillusioned with your quest to be dismissive and pompously erudite, that you see it as such. You even go so far as to accuse those disagreeing with you as “too stupid to understand politics and satire”. Are you so omnipotent in all your political and satirical wisdom that you claim the ability to envision an America without need for an outstanding military? Bravo Sir. However, I, and many others it would seem, have no desire to have our objections to your grand and glorious realization belittled.
This is not a personal attack so do not label it as such.
The United States is a world power and must act as such. With great power comes great responsibility.
Comment by eaglescout | October 29th, 2008
To J. DeWees,
“Soldiers may not be defending your rights by the act of being in Iraq, albeit, They are building and protecting the rights of Iraqis”
As I recall, the rights of Iraqis had little to do with the stated purpose of the invasion. The only reason we are still there, is because somebody* is afraid to “lose” to Iraqis in the first place.
In other words, this part of your response is a red-herring fallacy.
“It is their mere PRESENCE defending your rights.”
Presence or PRESENCE (if you prefer) does not require signing away your rights to the U.S. military.
As you may have noticed, the article satirizes bad reasons to join the military and dogmatic thinking such as yours, it does not (as you seem to think) satirize the actual existence of a military.
“And without any soldiers brave enough to give their ’signature’ … ”
Apparently you didn’t read the article. Courage or bravery is far from the only reason people join the military.
“I’d very much like to see you alone on your pedestal, pontificating to no one, next time our country is attacked.”
Did you consider that there are brave people outside the military who are willing to defend their rights?
Did you stop to realize I may actually approve of the military when it is not dragged into retarded conflicts and wars of aggression?
“No Soldier signs up to be a hero. It just turns out that way sometimes.”
I think that’s one of the main points of the satire.
“And if their job provides them with pride, you must certainly be envious.”
Not really. If a soldier has legitimate reasons to be proud, I can appreciate that.
“You must call attention to yourself and feed off of your self-proclaimed brilliant epiphany ‘Hey…They aren’t defending my freedom by being in Iraq…’”
I don’t recall claiming that reason as brilliant, but that’s a nice straw-man fallacy you’ve got there.
“Again I will say, Their presence insures your freedoms.”
That’s a dogmatic generalization; and again, irrelevant to the satire.
“Their shadows are tall enough to stretch from Iraq to America.”
Metaphorically, that’s quite likely. But shooting yourself in the foot just because you can is a poor reason to do it.
Apparently, I care more for the lives of soldiers abroad than you do. You seem to enjoy the excitement of war as much as their pointless deaths in Iraq. Creating conditions that foster terrorism just because you can does not in any way defend my freedoms; not to mention, it costs lives.
“You spout off disrespect, dismissing your drek as satire. It is not satire. You are so disillusioned with your quest to be dismissive and pompously erudite, that you see it as such.”
I have to admit, it is not my best satire; but it certainly had its intended effect on jingoistic individuals.
“You even go so far as to accuse those disagreeing with you as ‘too stupid to understand politics and satire’”.
Not at all. I accuse people engaging in personal attacks as too stupid to understand politics and satire.
On the other hand, I do not characterize just anyone who disagrees with me as such. Nice try on misrepresenting what I wrote.
“Are you so omnipotent in all your political and satirical wisdom that you claim the ability to envision an America without need for an outstanding military?”
No. Read the rest of this post.
“Bravo Sir. However, I, and many others it would seem, have no desire to have our objections to your grand and glorious realization belittled.”
It appears you may be confused about what precisely is being belittled.
“The United States is a world power and must act as such.”
Acting irresponsibly is probably not what you had in mind. It would be great if instead of killing our own soldiers abroad and creating enemies with new-found legitimate reasons to attack us, we could focus on solving and not perpetuating the problem of terrorism.
“With great power comes great responsibility.”
That’s just a cliché that negates your entire argument.
*John McCain, W, Bill O’Reilly, et al.
Comment by Mike | November 6th, 2008
What exactly were you trying to accomplish with this? I’m just curious. I’m not criticizing you or praising you, it just seems like a lot of effort put forth.
Comment by eaglescout | November 6th, 2008
Just to point out that joining the military does not automatically award anyone hero status, as there are many reasons, good and bad for doing so.
I was making fun of war-happy young republicans who just want to kill towelheads.
I was also making fun of people who claim it is unpatriotic and unAmerican to leave Iraq.
I was making fun of recruiting officers for their commission-based recruitment lies. (And here I very much sympathize with deceived recruits).
I also wanted to make fun of Giuliani for his complete misunderstanding of foreign affairs, along with any of his supporters who think we must fight Iran because half the Middle East dislikes Israel.
Oh, and because of the blind obedience it fosters in some individuals. Somehow we accept a distinction between “Shock and Awe” and “Terrorism” based only on which side someone is on, everything else being equal.
But pick (comment 41) said it best.
If this gets someone to join the military, I’ll be just as happy as if it discourages someone else from joining.
Besides, if what you want out of the military is paid cosmetic surgery, that’s great; just consider the consequences: you might be asked to kill someone you don’t want to kill, or you may provoke more “terrorists” resulting in the death of your brother, or sister during their last tour of duty.
You may also learn some basic Arabic and prove to foreigners that we are not all the same, by respecting their ways, or genuinely trying to get them to safety, instead of shooting and crushing their only family vehicle with a tank, only because they violated your 1600 curfew.
But if you’ve thought about the consequences, good or bad, then you are not just joining the military out of blind patriotism, and then you deserve my respect. After all, there are a lot of good reasons to join. There just weren’t that many the last war around.
Comment by Mike | February 1st, 2009
I think this argument is redundant. You can’t honestly believe that posting on this site is going to get your message out there. I have gone through the recruiting process with three different branches of the military, and I think that you are generalizing the intentions of the recruiters. The Marines were hardcore. The minute I expressed any interest in joining they hounded me for weeks; making phonecalls, showing up at my school during lunch talking to me, even showing up at my house after school uninvited. The Army was much less persistent, but I still felt like I was getting a sales pitch. The Air Force felt very professional and made me feel at east with taking my time to decide. Not all of the branches of the military employ the same tactics regarding their recruiting policies, and I think it’s unfair that you’ve grouped them all together.
The thing is though, we need these guys. We may hate the recruiters, but they get the job done to secure a fighting force for our country. I know from experience that if you are smart with the recruiters and ask the right questions, you will acquire all of the information necessary to make an educated decision. We need all of those young Marines who go through hell for 13 weeks just to walk into a firestorm of bullets. These brave men protect our freedoms that we all cherish, such as the ability to hold discussions such as this. War is dirty. War isn’t fair and it isn’t pretty. But that’s the way our world works unfortunately, and I’m sick and tired of the liberal media bashing our men and women over there. Those journalists have no idea what it feels like to have the enemy conspiring to put you in the ground by any means necessary. I’ve seen the tapes. I’ve read the reports. And I would have acted the exact same way as those service men and women had. If a car were to come speeding toward my tank at 50 miles per hour, I would shoot the hell out of it too. The enemy is embedded in the urban setting with this war and that makes it extremely tricky. By now, the people of Iraq and Afghanistan should know to keep a distance from our forces and to comply with whatever rules are mandated, or else risk being shot. The reason these rules are in place, is because there are instances where that speeding car contains hundreds of pounds of explosives and one religious fanatic. Im not here to debate whether or not we should be there, but since we are we need to protect our men and women as best as we possibly can.
Why not join because of blind patriotism? I can think of no other reason to. We need more men and women who have such a profound love of their country that they are willing to lay their lives on the line for it. In my mind, anyone who volunteers for our armed forces is a hero, and holds my deepest respects. Anyone who “makes fun” of any personnel currently serving in our armed forces is an unpatriotic child who needs to be thankful that he lives in such a tolerant country.
Comment by josh | March 18th, 2009
OK YOU IGNORANT UNINFORMED LONER SITTING BACK HERE IN THE U.S.A IRAQ HAD URANIUM FLOWING INTO THE COUNTRY WHEN SUDDAM HUSSEIN WAS IN POWER AND HE WAS GONNA LAUNCH THAT SHIT LIKE HE WAS HAVING SEX AND YOUR MOMS TITS WERE HITTING THE LAUNCH BUTTON SO WE CAME IN FOR OPERATION DESERT STORM AND KICKED HIS ASS. NOW WERE STILL THERE PUTTING DAM INSURGENTS IN TURBANS DOWN LIKE THERE WAS NO TOMMAROW. OH MY GOSH I WOULD LAUGH SO HARD IF YOU SAW A TRUE TERRORIST THE WAY THEY WOULD LOOK AT YOU YOU’D FILL LIKE YOU WERE IN HELL WHICH IS WERE YOU SHOULD GO.
Comment by Jacob | May 16th, 2009
URANIUM? Am I missing something here? I thought OPERATION DESERT STORM was a mission to get Iraqis out of Kuwait?
Comment by Jack | November 12th, 2009
I think that if you’re going to disrespect the military it can’t just be because you’re a pussy like the person who made this list. In my opinion the only people who have the ability to say something bad about the military and not come off as a total dick, while they taunt the men and women that gave their lives so that we could free, are the people who have served and fought in a war.
Comment by Jack | November 12th, 2009
some people have posted that are in the military and said it’s funny as shit, but this is talking about the military as a whole. I’m sure my marine cousin who served in ramadi wouldn’t think that this is funny, and i bet my friend’s green berret brother wouldn’t think this is funny especially considering he was blown up when his humvee drove over and IED that was put in place by one of those as you said “rag heads”
Comment by Arianne Belgrade | May 24th, 2010
thankyou lots, I have to say your website is fantastic!
Comment by think about it | May 26th, 2010
Those of you military folks speaking negatively towards the author should stop to remember that you swore to SUPPORT and defend the constitution of the United States. This person has the right to state their opinion. The author said nothing negative about military members. All they did was post a list of actual reasons people join and added a little humor to it. By calling the author names all you are doing is making yourself and members of the military seem like they are thin skinned, foul mouthed, and ignorant. If you really think what you are saying is appropriate for a military member interacting with the general public, put your money where your mouth is and forward this page to your commander and highlight your comments.
Comment by PlaceName here | June 16th, 2010
Aaight, its funny. yeah. totally bullsht. but funny.
Like most of them said, you sleep well because they tuck you in everynight with that freedom, dont mistake it. Corps- live, die, go to hell- regroup- come back. God rested on the seventh day, right? Marines stole the earth from him, the rope from army, anchor from navy, and eagle from air force, and have kept it safe on our shores ever since. SemperFi